Everything is well

The doc called the other day and everything came back fine. So that is a big load off my shoulders.

So other wise things are krappy but hell what else is new.

things are not so hot

Well McKay has taken the lay off from work.  Really for two reasons  1 because he just is not working and 2 to be home with me.  This way with the lay off he can get unemployment and keep the medical insurance.  This is a good thing I have not been doing so well.  M pain is increasing maybe it is cause i am more in tune to it I really hope that is it.  But I know I have been really beat allot. I am not able to do the things around the house like I want to but it is nice that McKay is home to help me out.   I feel useless around here so of course that is not helping the depression at all but I will deal with it.    I really hate sitting ere waiting for the test results.  I told the kids today that I am sick again and that I have to take it easy. i really do not think that they understand this but oh well.  So I have been spending allot of time reading and playing online. I can not sit up right for very long and i hate that standing is no fun either. 

Well we have 36 hours  till Christmas and I am happy  the kids have lots of stuff this year thanks to family and friends. I hate asking for or getting help but we are at appoint to swallow our pride and just take it. 

Church was hard today I hated sitting in the pew  it hurt so much but i just grinned and bared it I tried to put on a happy face but I guess they know me better then that and allot of people were concerned it was nice to see though. I really felt like i was cared about.  I know that the family care but hey they are family.

I can not wait till Wednesday and the tree will come down and we will have the office back.  I love sitting in my new used chair i got from a neighbor that was moving out it is one of those big round moon style ones.  It is the only thing i am comfortable in. 

McKay has been great with everything he really takes care of me he gets up with the kids so I can sleep and even brings me drinks and snacks with out me having to ask him.  Last week he went to the store and got my my favorite chai tea and donuts.  And oh boy that is what I really wanted and did not even know it.

well i will try to take pics of the kids opening the gifts on Christmas and get them posted.

To those few that read this I hope that you and your families have a great Christmas!!!

went to the doctor today

Well like most people a visit to the gyn is no fun at all what so ever. Well oddly at first i was looking forward to going. I was goig to ask him for the hysterectomy. Well it took nearly 2 hours to even get to the exam room. And this was no fun with Avery and McKay siting there with me.
So it is my turn to go back and get on the scale. I have lost 8 pounds since I was last weighed and for me that is not a good thing. So I am at 113 and yes i know may are you going so what is the problem. I am about 12 pound under weight. So I get to the room and the doc gets there. I go through everything I have thought about for asking for the hysterectomy and that goes great. He agreed with me. Then came the bad stuff. First he asked about all the test results I have had in the past. I told him about i the beginning of the year how I had protine in my urine and he was concerned about that and had me retested for that because the other doctors did nothing about it. And then he want ed to do a pap smear okay i was then starting to get worried cause he want to know why I am having so many problems and in pain so much. Then he decided to to a biopsy to see if the cancer has returned. So I also had to have a bunch of blood taken. that was no fun at all.

So now i sit here and wait wait wait to know what the results are. If everything comes back fine i can have the hysterectomy in jan and be done with the blood problems and the pain. But now i get to sit here and stress if the cancer cells are back I really hate this. it has been 8 years since i had to wait like this. And 7 1/2 years since i had the cancer cells removed. God I really hate this

Right now i feel 100% alone I know i am not but i feel it.

and here is my Joshua

Well last Wednesday Joshua had is holiday strings performance. I think it went really well and he did great. I was very proud of him not only did he preform in front of friends and family the whole student body was there!!! He also got his braces on Tuesday he is so very uncomfortable. I feel really bad for him but there is not much I can do for him.

well here are some pics

Miracle in our house

Okay this is just amazing. All you wifes will get a kick out of this. McKay cleaned our bathroom today I did not even have to pester him. Not only did he clean our bathroom but he cleaned the twin's bathroom swept the stairs and vacuumed a hallway!!!!

I was amazed I left him alone to do his thing!!

Well today we got to talk to Sean ya we only get to talk to him for 10 minutes at a time and it is hard but it was great to hear his voice. It makes me happy and sad all at the same time. He is hoping to be out of the boys home in February now. I really hope so. At that time he goes back with his birth mother. At least then we can see him.

we got about a foot of snow here at our house it is freezing out here!!!!!!! the kids made some cute snowmen. I hope to take a pic soon i forgot to charge the camera go figure!

Well Here It Is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay well I know all you out there just have been dieing to see this picture. If you know me well you know that I hate my picture being taken. So this is not going to happen very often. I am very happy with the outcome of my hair. I have never been blond before this week. As some of you know I was a brunette before hand. Hope you all like it.

our Holiday pic

Well since we can not afford to go have our pic taken for Holiday Pictures this year I thought I would be adventurous and take it my self. well it didn't turn out that bad it could have been worse and some of the pictures were. Okay I know I messed up and did not realize that the vacume was in the background untill some of the kids had already changed. But here is the one of all 5 and then one of Hope and her doggy SeeCee

I HAVE GONE BLOND

Okay guys here we go I would like you opinion. I know the pic is not a good one McKay takes some horrible pictures. Now mind you this is stage 1 of me going blond. First I had to get rid of all the brown. Now I have to tone it down a bit and add some highlights or something, so please be kind it is not often I take my picture.