Empty

Well it has been nearly a week and a half since McKay went back up to Utah to work. I understand he is doing what is needed and that many people in the world have to deal with a spouse/partner else where in the world. But it does not help me with the empty feeling I feel inside me. I try to keep my brave/strong face on. Day to day it gets harder and harder for me to not just have a total melt down. I keep in mind that my children need me to stay strong right now. I am doing the best I can. Some days I just want to stay in bed and curl up under my blanket and hide. I drag myself out of bed and force myself to do things here. I sleep about 3 hours a night and I barley am eating. I try to eat and sleep but it just does not happen. All I want to do is pack the kids up and be with him so our family is back together. I think that is how it is worse. Service men/women do not have that option. I sit here and think he is only 7 hours away from us. Last week was harder because I knew he was not working and just sitting around fixing things reading or doing what ever to keep the boredom away. This week he started work. So now he is keeping him self busy. I have been trying to pack things up that we really do not need out nic naks posters pictures ect ect. Now my walls look empty my shelves are bare. I think it was a mistake.

Day 4

Well they days have been okay. Kids keep me pretty busy. We have been watching alot of tv and movies. Trying to make the day go faster. Monday I basically stayed in bed all day watching tv with Alex and Hope. Tuesday I actually got dressed went to walmart and bought some food. Tuesday we watched Beastly, I found that to be a really good movie. I did some cleaning found my kitchen. Today once the kids rooms are picked up I am going to take them to the pool.
It is nights that I dread the most. Unless I have Hope or Avery in my bed I do not sleep. I end up staying up all night watching Netflix or DVDs. Part of me wants it to get better but the other does not. If it gets better it means I do not miss him. I know that is not completely true. Just how it feels. I know it is not easy for him right now. I at least have the kids.

Next week I will be rehoming the fish and hamsters. Kids will not be too happy but I will be finding a new home for the dog as well.

Last Day

Today day is the last day that McKay will be home for a few weeks. It seems like the clock is flying by and soon he will be on the road. It is a great thing what he is doing. I know that some how we will survive with out him but it really does not feel that way. In the 8 1/2 years we have been together the longest I went with out him was when I went to Utah for a week. But this feels different. I know I will keep busy doing things with the kids packing and such. But it is the down time I dread. The little things like setting the table to eat. At least the laundry will be cut in half.