dont know when

I will be able to post anything here. Things are not well at all. I am not doing good and McKay is still out of work. And I feel like I have fallen ito a black hole and there is no chance of getting out what so ever. I know that I need to be surrounded by friends and family but I want to just url into a tiny ball and stay there. i do not want to go anyplace cause i am sick of putting on the everything is okay face. Cause it is not okay and has not been for months. I am trying my best to be happy but it is very draining. It is getting harder and harder to keep up the happy face with my kids. I know that at least Joshua and Alex know there is something wrong. I do not want them to worry about it so it is best to keep it all from them. My house no longer feels like a home. It feels more like a trap.