Empty

Well it has been nearly a week and a half since McKay went back up to Utah to work. I understand he is doing what is needed and that many people in the world have to deal with a spouse/partner else where in the world. But it does not help me with the empty feeling I feel inside me. I try to keep my brave/strong face on. Day to day it gets harder and harder for me to not just have a total melt down. I keep in mind that my children need me to stay strong right now. I am doing the best I can. Some days I just want to stay in bed and curl up under my blanket and hide. I drag myself out of bed and force myself to do things here. I sleep about 3 hours a night and I barley am eating. I try to eat and sleep but it just does not happen. All I want to do is pack the kids up and be with him so our family is back together. I think that is how it is worse. Service men/women do not have that option. I sit here and think he is only 7 hours away from us. Last week was harder because I knew he was not working and just sitting around fixing things reading or doing what ever to keep the boredom away. This week he started work. So now he is keeping him self busy. I have been trying to pack things up that we really do not need out nic naks posters pictures ect ect. Now my walls look empty my shelves are bare. I think it was a mistake.

Day 4

Well they days have been okay. Kids keep me pretty busy. We have been watching alot of tv and movies. Trying to make the day go faster. Monday I basically stayed in bed all day watching tv with Alex and Hope. Tuesday I actually got dressed went to walmart and bought some food. Tuesday we watched Beastly, I found that to be a really good movie. I did some cleaning found my kitchen. Today once the kids rooms are picked up I am going to take them to the pool.
It is nights that I dread the most. Unless I have Hope or Avery in my bed I do not sleep. I end up staying up all night watching Netflix or DVDs. Part of me wants it to get better but the other does not. If it gets better it means I do not miss him. I know that is not completely true. Just how it feels. I know it is not easy for him right now. I at least have the kids.

Next week I will be rehoming the fish and hamsters. Kids will not be too happy but I will be finding a new home for the dog as well.

Last Day

Today day is the last day that McKay will be home for a few weeks. It seems like the clock is flying by and soon he will be on the road. It is a great thing what he is doing. I know that some how we will survive with out him but it really does not feel that way. In the 8 1/2 years we have been together the longest I went with out him was when I went to Utah for a week. But this feels different. I know I will keep busy doing things with the kids packing and such. But it is the down time I dread. The little things like setting the table to eat. At least the laundry will be cut in half.

Bothered.

Well 2 weeks ago I went to church with the family. Apparently my hair became a discussion among some of the members. Of course nothing positive. Last Sunday I did not go to church die to Avery having a tummy bug. When McKay came home he told me about one member that came up to him and asked if I have changed my awful hair. His reply was no and I see you have not either. Well the comments had gotten back to the Bishop and Sunday afternoon he stopped by to assure me that this was not the views of the majority of the ward members. He said even though yes it is bold but it sits me and looks nice. It was not of him to stop by to say this. I have never been one to really care about what people think of how I look or dress. Since I do not do this all for them I do it for myself.

the part that bothers me is the judgment by this one member. This is not the first time she has made comments to me. Even though I am active in the wards activities and attend services I am not a member. She believes that there are things I should not be included in due to my non membership. I brought this up with the Bishop and they Relief Society Pres. . They both say to just ignore her. Which I do.

I was planning on changing my hair this week but I think I will wait. I love my hot pink hair even if it is fading.

Miss HopeLeah

Today my baby girls turned 11! So here is a bit about her. so loves all animals and wishes to be a vet. Her true passion is music. She prefers to listen to all music all day. She does not mind the style just is not fond of hip hop or rap. So loves classic rock Beatles, Zeppelin Aerosmith, Abba and the newest music she enjoys is Katy Perry and Pink. She loves to roller blade play any music based video game. Her Best friend is Autumn. They would spend everyday all day together if we would let them.

Stolen

Well Saturday we took our DS game case to the dentist with us. I remember bringing it back to the truck. We are thinking that one of the truck doors did not get closed all the way or for some reason the truck did not get locked (which is not like me)

So we lost nearly every DS game and Avery's DSlite. Worst is that he just got the DSlite for his birthday he spend most of Sunday crying about it. We can not afford to get him a new or or replace the games that were lost. Kids are all sad. I am sad and pissed. McKay is mostly pissed.

I have searched the Apt and even called the dentist office. No luck.

HSM SINGIT